The Power of Our Expectations

A recent article in Scientific America suggests that half the battle in fighting the obesity epidemic lies in managing our expectations of how full we might feel after a meal. They suggest restaurants can also help us by changing the title of their meals to something like "just right" selections in order to subconsciously trick us into expecting to eat less and thus to lose weight.

Power of Self Persuasion

A similar technique has been used by monks for centuries to reduce their expectations and attachments to particular objects in the world. Essentially, these buddhist monks would perform naming and other destructive rituals to slowly change their perceptions of material things over time, and begin to let go of desire. While we might not have the same goal in mind when we attempt to curb our unhealthy eating habits, we can still use similar mind tricks to change our own expectations and slowly reform our habits.

Changing Our Expectations

If your expectation of a good workout is maintaining an elevated heart-rate for a period of time, you will notice you feel different effects post workout (and weeks afterwards) than if you simply expect to sweat or to be minimally sore. Similarly, if you expect devotional worship to be an ecstatic explosion of emoton, you might not feel satisfied or even overlook services that provide quiet moments of introspection that are necessary for meditating on the speakers message and hearing that still small voice that presses you to go deeper.

So, whether it be an attempt to ward off obesity, get a better workout or reach deeper spiritual enrichment, our preconceived expectations and definitions of everyday experiences can be reshaped through the use of the mind to help us accomplish those goals for self and soul improvement.

Moving from Regret to Self-Compassion

The Regret Fallacy

…"And so the only time you ever regret a decision, is if you'd rather give up every single part of your life from then until now. Now, thinking about it that way, do you regret not leaving school?
"No."
"And that, my friend, is the regret fallacy."

I have struggled with regretting my decisions, especially after leaving seminary and finding minimal work and minimal appreciation for my education. After this experience, I regretted ever going into the field of religion. However, do I wish that I had never gone into seminary or pursued my passion for learning about Christianity and deepening my faith? Well no, looking back this was one of the best decisions of my life. Through seminary I was able to meet a great number of people, grow as a leader, and tackle some tough ethical and moral problems in the classroom. So my regret fallacy is that I loose sight of my history and no longer appreciate how my life has unfolded, imagining that I would be happier anywhere else.

Sin of Regret

This regret fallacy is problematic from a Christian standpoint because God so often calls to us to embrace the reality of a relationship with him, and not to dwell on living in the past. This regret can seep into our lives and suck away our energy, time and passion. This past year for example, the fear of both regret and failure tormented me for sometimes days on end. There was that voice inside of myself telling me “you are not good enough, you failed and you need to change everything about who you are because you are not [insert whatever lie we think we need]”. But this voice, and the sentiment of regret, is a sin that is ultimately self-destructive.

Getting past regret but steering clear of Pride

A recent article in Scientific America suggests the best way to improve mental health may not be the result of increasing one’s self confidence or pride, but their “self-compassion.” The article describes this new attitude as akin to sitting with a close friend who can take an earnest assessment of your foibles and show you that these mistakes do not define your identity. Rather than the friend (or often times parent) who sits down and lists every single reason you suck, why you made lousy decisions, and why you need to improve, the compassionate friend/self tries to place your faults in context of your overall growth. Self-compassion is not an attitude of complacency or pride, but it is a self narrative of compassion, honest feedback, and self forgiveness.

Cultivating a compassionate response

As I try to apply this narrative of self compassion with myself and interactions with my wife, I have started to see us both grow and become more confident people. Rather than mutually wounding each other, we are beginning to approach our faults in a way which strengthens us both. Some techniques I have learned to cultivate this compassionate attitude include:

• A daily ritual in front of a mirror where you practice letting that self-compassionate friend look at your faults as well as your strengths
• If you believe in Christ, letting Jesus soothe you and trying to listen to his voice as a remark/correction for your life
• Taking a 10 time-out when you are in a heated, angry moment to gather your thoughts and get at the heart of your anger, sadness or grief.

These steps helped me, and I hope will help others to enter into a greater, more holistic and perhaps God-centered view of their life